Hang Over

Ok so much brooding has been done on this blog. Much attention gained from my blog being my status message. Bad bad girl! Spank spank!

SO the morning started with hurting eyes and sullen face and now at least theres a twinkle of smile on my face. All's well for now.

I've decided that one shall try and update this blog as often as possible. With broodings and dreams as below as well as happy times. Erring and erring time after time, I shall keep floating in this pond. For of course I have no roots in here. I just float...

My fortune on Orkut today says: You and your partner will have a good life together.
My partner says: How can I deny fortune.

From here on she will be referred to as umm...can't think of a name. But will write about it when I think of a pen name for her...a name I shall use while penning down my thoughts for her, about her.

In this queer queer world, you can't out others without causing them trouble...vultures sit on every tower of silence ready to swoop down on one's personal life...and scavenge on the remains of it! For everyone one of our relationships are vaulted in the towers of silence, for we love the love that no one shall speak off.

Rambling about the law and society I hear my friend in morning today, she thinks its an act she puts on...a perfect one at it...we have fought we shall keep fighting. I don't think it's as simple as playact...I think its the lives we've lived for soooo long that there's not really a line between the truth, the life, the act, the speechings and the preachings!

Cliche: Mehfil mein bhi tanhaai!

My eyes hurt. I've cried too much today. Not the usual but not very unusual either.

I seem to suffer a communication gap with my loved ones...atleast the ones I love. I don't demand much of their time or energy except when I need them most...I don't wish to pile onto anyone...and besides when I'm upset if they wish to be with me then they can call too right? Have I ever said no to that?

I don't know what it is. But there are several people I love and would do anything for the moment they seem to need anything at all. But I lack friends!

Is this how our lives become? Having people we can call upon in trouble but not really to just plain simple chill out with or hangout with if one doesn't want be alone. How come coming back home has made me more lonelier than I have ever been?

Be'longing'!

It's one of those days! I mean the kind of days when you wake up feeling alone. I'm sitting in my office trying to work...but my mind as usual wanders. I don't seem to be capable of concentrating on anything nowadays. My mind's become too flitty!

I've been in Delhi for over a year now. But I keep getting the feeling I don't belong. Not here in Delhi? But actually anywhere! I don't belong to any root, stem or tree trunk. I wish to be wandering like a dandelion blown in the wind...but then I become the part that's stuck to the stem. But do I flower then...perhaps not!

A friend is in town. I was excited about her being here till she called 12 hours after she reached here. I'm not priority I guess. I need to check my priority list where mostly myself comes in the bottom of the never ending pit. When will I learn to live for myself I wonder.

If I had the choice...or rather if I utilised the opportunity I would be not here...not sure where but for sure not here.
Not in this seat, not in this house, not in this suburb, not in this city, and where not all!

Right now..I want to belong or be away!